Sudden Reappearance

Let's set the stage, shall we?

I'm sitting in the living room of what will soon no longer be my place of residence eating the sole surviving slice of Mom's lemon cake which was saved for me while I was gone. Sometime after I left my router underwent a hard reset which made it very confused when my laptop attempted a wireless connection for my change of scenery. It's Sunday, but it doesn't feel like one. Returning to work after a week away is going to feel a bit strange.

Buffett sang that it "gets so damn lonely when you're on a plane alone," but he never made mention of the destination. After sitting in a room at the Courtyard Marriott for a week I've concluded that wasting your days away in a hotel is almost as appealing as spending them behind a desk in a cube somewhere. I'm not quite sure what this means for me as I have yet to find a job whose description is "relax, watch the sky, play in the waves, and enjoy life." Of course the next question that arises is if I'd enjoy those things half as much once I was required to do them.

There are some benefits to getting away though. I had shorter days than normal and used those extra daytime hours to sleep. Despite being sick of eating out I'm currently pondering a trip to Burger King or Quizno's for some lunch. Somehow eating that cake has only made me hungrier. I didn't think that was how it was supposed to work.

The number of cards on top of the entertainment center has increased since I left. It's a lovely mixture of Get Well's and Happy Birthday's to remind Liz how much she's loved. I look around this place and note that she's done well at making it a home. That thought completed, it suddenly dawns on me that I have a similar task at hand.

It's sort of scary to think that I'm about to be on my own with the responsibility of making a place livable. There are plenty of purchases I'll have to make, but I'm holding off on that until my stuff is moved. As silly as this sounds, I'm going to let the new apartment tell me what it wants and work from there. I do know I'm looking forward to putting my stars back on the ceiling. I also plan to graduate from the world of scotch tape and frame the posters I bought at the beginning of last semester. That will be a good start I think.

My current bedroom is screaming at me for some sense of organization. I really did make a smart choice when I opted to leave most of my stuff in boxes. I suppose I really am going to have my work cut out for me this week.

Bryan is coming to visit on Wednesday. I'm still trying to figure out what has happened that he's off to college in a few weeks and I'm not. He's gotten so old on me. I can remember coming home from school when I was little to find he was in the basement watching Top Gun for the second or third time that day, or yelling at him for using the "back the opponent into the corner and kick them repeatedly since I don't have any other moves" tactic as we played video games. I remember the two occasions Mom literally tied us together... I know that sounds terrible and I wasn't happy at the time, but it's amusing to think of now. I realize that for as much arguing as Bry and I did we actually got along well in the big picture and continue to have a pretty good relationship. That's a nice thought, and it reminds me once again how very lucky I am.

Derek returns from his trip to Pensacola sometime in the middle of next week. He's another one whose not so distant future of lectures, meetings, and homework is slightly playing games with my head. I'm done with school and I have the diploma to prove it. I still have a hard time grasping that one. I think I'd like to go back at some point, but I need to find something I'm actually interested in learning more about first.

There's still a part of me that would like to be able to know about everything, but there's more knowledge to be gained in this world than I think I could acquire in five lifetimes. Things shift and change, and what you set out looking to accomplish can easily fall by the wayside to be replaced by something else. I went to college hoping to learn more about computers the cool stuff I could do with them. Instead I came out with leadership experience, interpersonal skills, a few life's lessons, and a job people envy simply because of who I work for.

Over the last few weeks I've done a lot of looking at my life. I've thought about people from my past who hadn't crossed my mind in years and wondered what their lives are like now. I've looked around at people in the present wondering why they're here and how long it will be before they're on the list of "I used to know." I've squinted in the direction of my future and the sliver I can see is no less quiet and solitary then the one that taunted me as a child.

I know where I've been and I'm still learning from it. I see where I am wondering if I've learned anything at all and what I'll take away. I wonder where I'm going and realize I still don't have a clue.

To my understanding there's a time in everyone's life when they think they have all the answers. I haven't hit that yet. I have a sneaky suspicion I never will, but maybe that's okay. Maybe it's better to know what you're missing than to think you've got it down only to wake up one day and realize you'd had it all wrong. Add that to the list of things I'll never really know.

You see, some things in life can only be experienced from one side. You do them or you don't, and you can't have both. We get a choice in some. Others, I've found, are built into our nature and we're no more able to fight them than we're able to push on the sun to keep it from rising.

Life is an amazing puzzle to me. I know I'm foolish to try and understand it, but I'd also be foolish not to ask questions. The real trick, I think, is not driving myself crazy in the process.

Than again, some would say I'm already there.

Captured At:1304

Postlet #4-818

I've survived what little pieces of hurricane Charley we got in Palm Bay.

I've moved.

I'm still not entirely unpacked.

I have a big comfy bed. :)

I love the way the world feels after a rain storm.

I forgot to change my redirect to get to this site until just now. Oops.

Yea, that'll do it. Disappointed? Insert something deep and meaningful here:

Better? Good. :P

Captured At:2155