"Impossible things are happening every day"

I'm dreadfully behind on updates, but I've been incredibly busy. A few people have commented that they miss my regular posts, so in the interest of procrastination I will satiate their need for an update.

For starters, I can cross several things off my "I've never" list. For all the ambassadors out there looking for dirt to use during the next carpet game, this is a PG rated list as anything you'd find worthy is not suitable to post.

I can now say that I have:
- watched the sunrise from one coast and the sunset from the other on the same day
- ridden a horse (pictures will be posted later)
- been quoted in the newspaper
- been on TV
- seen the sunset from an airplane
- bought flip flops
- eaten crab
- carved a pumpkin to look like it's standing on its head
- owned a grass skirt, coconut bra, and/or tiki torch

Now, the highlights of the last two weeks.

Weekend of October 17:
Derek and I caught the sunrise on the beach and went to breakfast. Classes were off that Friday, but I still had to work. We left for St. Pete after I got done that afternoon. We drove to Apollo Beach to get dinner at his favorite restaurant. It's on the water, so after dinner we had a great view of the sun's retreat. I got a few nice pictures that night of the sky, the cats we were feeding, and Derek smoking next to a gas pump. They'll be posted later. We spent some time on one of the beaches to watch the twilight before going to his house. I love being by the water at night.

The next day Derek caught up with his friend Bart go to flying. The sun was starting to go down as we took to the air. There was a haze so you couldn't tell where the gulf started and the sky stopped. The sun's rays on the water looked like there was a single pool of fire in the middle of the hazy blue atmosphere we were engulfed in. The guys did some maneuvers over Sarasota for an hour and then we got dinner at this really neat place in Venice. It was dark by the time we left, so I got to see the cities of Florida's west coast from the air. There were patches of little lights outlining the coast. As I looked down I recalled the image from space that shows lights on all the continents. It was a beautiful sight that I couldn't help but compare to a giant sugar cookie with fluorescent sprinkles.

When we got on the ground we tracked down Doug. The guys drank for a bit before we all called it a night and crashed over there. Doug, Jess, Derek and I grabbed breakfast before we went back to Derek's house. We followed his dad out to look at some land they'd bought, met their neighbours, then went to meet the horses. Derek's dad said that when I came the next weekend they'd get me on one of them. Then we went back to the restaurant we'd been at Friday night for coffee and the sunset round 2. Derek's dad left and we went down to the beach for a little bit before hitting the road.

Weekend of October 24th:
Friday was crazy because I had to fit an errand in between work and the Ambassador E-board meeting. I managed to get SGA t-shirts ordered with just enough time to get to campus to make the obligatory past president remarks and go home to pack. We drove into the sunset this week and I spent most of the trip wishing I had my camera. A shot of that would've been perfect for this site. Derek and I got into St. Pete and went right to his old high school for their homecoming. I was completely overwhelmed by how crazy it was, but it gave me an opportunity to contrast what little I knew about my high school's with something. I got to meet a few of his friends from home which was nice. He introduced me as his girlfriend to some one who went "Girlfriend? What happened to good friend?" I turned around a little embarrassed and not sure how to respond as she assured me it was okay because he'd talked about me all the time. We left SPC and went in search of Doug again. I fell asleep on the couch only to wake up the next morning in the extra bedroom.

We had lunch at Derek's house and then went to see the horses again. His sister told me to make sure her dad had me ride her horse and not his. I was really nervous at first, but was happy that I finally got Red listening to me. Derek's dad said that I did really well for my first time out. Yes, I do have pictures of me on a horse as well and they too will be posted later.

Derek dropped his sister off at the Homecoming dance as I grabbed a shower before we caught a movie with Doug and Rob. Then it was crash time, breakfast, and home so I could go shopping with Liz for Tuesday.

October 28:
Florida Tech dedicated their new dorms to the astronauts who were aboard Columbia for STS-107. As President of the Student Body they decided I was a good candidate to give a speech. I'd been really nervous for weeks. Nothing I'd written seemed good enough. I remember talking to Adam and telling him that I didn't want to just get up there and give a speech. I wanted to say everything that needed to be said in a way that would leave people wondering how it could have been done any better.

That day I had the pleasure of meeting some of the astronauts' family members, some local officials, and some of the "big guys" within NASA. I was seated next to the Associate Administrator for Space Flight without knowing who he was. He asked what I was doing after graduation and mentioned how close the cape was. I was nonchalant in my response saying something along the lines of, "who knows," only to find out within half an hour that he's fairly high up within NASA. I've since been told he's number 2, but I'm not sure if that's accurate. Either way, I was feeling stupid.

We got out to Columbia Village where they had the podium set up. I was getting more and more nervous by the minute. Liz had pulled me off before the whole thing started to give me a hug and tell me I'd do great. While one of the speakers before me was in the middle of his remarks my new friend from NASA leans over, hands me a 45th anniversary NASA pin, and tells me that it's good luck. During his speech he'd mentioned my name two or three times and said he wanted to hear what I had to say. No pressure or anything there... I'm told that got Liz going and that she was crying before I even stood up to speak. During my introduction my NASA friend leaned over again, told me to take three deep breaths, and go.

Somehow I nailed it. I've spent the last week getting more positive feedback about my three minutes of remarks than I ever expected. I figured I'd get a "nice job" if I was lucky. I was not planning on business cards from NASA people, flowers from the President and his wife, faculty, staff and students telling me I had them almost in tears, the Provost telling me I'd shown up the President, and members of the astronauts' families telling me how much my words had meant to them.

I'd turned my phone off before lunch, but somehow it started buzzing my bag shortly after the dedication ended. It was my dad telling me he'd watched the whole thing on the webcast and how proud he was. A link to the webcast circulated among my family members and they had nothing but positive things to say as well.

In the whole thing, I think the thing that means the most to me is knowing that I did something that made a difference to a lot of people. My three minutes at the podium is a blur which only leaves me more shocked about everything. I won't watch any of the clips because I know I'm too critical to look at it without picking my "performance" apart. Regardless, it's easily the most important thing I've ever been asked to be a part of and I'm so glad I was able to make my family, friends, and university proud.

October 31:
I don't know the last time I dressed up for halloween. I went out Thursday between classes and bought a grass skirt, coconut bra, and five foot tiki torch. I found a flesh colored shirt at Wal-mart later that evening and borrowed a Hawaiian shirt from Derek the next day. Add to that leis, Mardi Gras beads, and a Corona lime hat and you get my Halloween costume. What was I? Ready for the Buffett show! C'mon Jimmy, how about a tour date??

Everyone loved the costume. I dropped by the ARL to look at some pictures UPubs had taken at the dedication and caught the attention of a few of the women in Development. I went over to say hello since they were obviously enjoying looking at me and was told by one, "You look great. I don't know who you are, but you look great." I thanked her, told her my name, and that spawned, "Are you the one who gave that speech?" Between there and UPubs my visit for a five minute errand spanned an hour. Everyone over there was so nice...I wish more students realized what great people they have working for our campus everyday.

Campus did the usual Halloween thing that night. It's funny how whenever an event goes on and I'm around people tell me, "great job". Somehow it's assumed I had my hand in it somehow. I may have to stop going to campus events simply because it keeps the appropriate people from getting credit.

That night I had to say goodbye to the one and only Fadito. He went back to Puerto Rico and insists he's coming back. We're all hoping he's right, but we're not expecting much. Between that and the realization earlier in the evening that I don't know anyone on campus anymore I was feeling really old. Perhaps it is time for me to graduate and move on to the next great adventure...

November 1:
Aunt Sandy was in town for a long weekend. We met up at the usual place for drinks and food and gossip. It's always a good time at the Sandbar. Once we got back I bounced over to Miss FIT. Paulina got 2nd runner up and was both winner of the People's Choice award and voted Miss Congeniality. I left Gleason to catch up with Melissa. There were a ton of people at her place. I was a little disturbed by some of the things I was hearing and that, coupled with the realization that I'm over the party thing, expedited my departure.

And now here I am. It's November 3. A year ago at this time things started getting pretty bad in a lot of ways for a lot of people. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that things stay good. Shortly after Derek and I got together Dave, Melissa, and Adam all got new significant others. Most of the people immediately around me are happy. Mom has a new puppy. SGA is making progress. Classes are getting crazy, but I'm sure I can pull through. All in all I think this year's going pretty well.

And really really fast....

Captured At: 324

Where the lights touch the earth

The sky is one of the most amazing creations. It's constantly changing, yet always beautiful in its own way.

One of my favorite forms the sky takes are the days when there are enough clouds to block the sun, but enough open sky to let you know you're not about to experience a downpour.

Although hidden by clouds, the sun finds enough space to cast its radiance on the world with what look like directed beams of light. It's as if patches of heaven are reaching down to shine upon the people and places that need it the most at that moment. Something about this has always made me feel at peace.

There is so much beauty in the universe that it's almost overwhelming...

Captured At: 104

Carbon Dioxide is soooo heavy...

I'm starting to feel that same thing that comes every time this semester. I see my work piling up because it's all coming due around the same time. I see a billion things I should have done before this point that have yet to be accomplished. I have all these things in the back of my mind that sit there and worry me. It's terrible.

I have absolutely no motivation this evening. I was good. I learned some new stuff for Senior Design. I studied for my German test, which I wasn't even going to do. I even looked at my Analysis of Algorithms homework and began working some of that out in my head. I updated all of the notes my teachers have on the web. I can't say I've been unproductive, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything good for me.

I know I can get all of my work done. I know I can do it well. I feel confident in most of my classes, but the two that have me nervous are almost ruining the others.

I'm also antsy about this stuff with NASA. I never expected to have them hunting me down on campus and telling me that they want to talk about how I can apply my education there after graduation. It's all so surreal to me.

It's nothing like when I got the Microsoft Interview last year. Granted I was shocked when they wanted a second interview, but even then there was something in me that wasn't sure how I felt about going off to St. Louis.

With this I'm so scared that it's too good to be true. I've been told that what's happened to me since last week is like someone walking up to you because they saw you at a water fountain and making you a movie star.

Over the last day or two a few people have told me that I'm like a celebrity. One has even been calling me "Cover Girl" since they put my picture on the front of the Campus Observer. I'm not sure how I feel about all of it. I'm glad people were pleased with what I did, but it seems to be going a little to the extreme. Yet, for some reason, people are just totally taken with it. And with me. It's crazy.

At Capt. Hiram's this weekend, as my speech was being discussed again, my aunt was telling a friend a story. I had to have been five or six at the time. I was taking ice skating lessons and every year they did a big show for us to show off what we'd been learning - kind of like a dance recital. I think it was the last night, but my group was skating down the rink in a straight line. One little girl fell out of the formation and hit the ground. After a second she got back up, brushed off her knees, and booked it down the ice to rejoin her group. It was some of the loudest applause in the arena that night. My aunt said that's the kind of mentality it takes.

I guess there's something inside of us that, somehow, gives us the courage to keep moving; to get up when we fall, stand up to our fears, and push us forward to get the job done. I suppose inside, whether we're consciously aware of it or not, we have a mission we're supposed to accomplish and will do anything it takes to make that happen.

Maybe that's what I'm looking for right now. I'm looking for that extra push. I'm looking for that tiny sense that knows everything I have in front of me is right and that I'll overcome it no matter what. It's there. I can almost feel it. But something is keeping it from coming out.

Or maybe it is coming. Suddenly I had the urge to read my Computer Architecture notes, and I know I have to follow up on that before it disappears.

Oh. And if you were wondering, the answer is Yes. I was the little girl...

Captured At:2343

all your bec are belong to us

We have this great system called PAWS here at Florida Tech. It lets us get to all of our financial aid, student accounting, and registration stuff over the internet. Come Sunday morning I'll be taking full advantage of it to register before most of campus gets a chance. It's a beautiful thing.

Or is it?

I was browsing around today looking at my student info and I came upon something I found a little disturbing. I'd like to enter the picture below as "Exhibit A":

Is it just me, or is the fact that this information holds until "The End of Time" a little disturbing?

I'd also like you to look closely at when that says I graduate. It says Fall 2004. Keep in mind that when I found this I'd just gotten back from talking to my department and they said I only had 9 credits left to take. I came in during the Fall of 1999. How could that say in 2002 that I was going to graduate at the end of 2004. It's just not right.

Unless they're going to push my graduation back a semester at the beginning of each semester. Maybe there is some validity to the conspiracy theory.

I think I'm going to go hide now so they can't find me.

Captured At:1723

"So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage..."

It's the weirdest thing. I went from being in a crappy mood and hating the world to being in a mood that's still kinda lonely, but at the same time reflective and hopeful. It's funny what driving to loud music with a full moon overhead can do.

So as I cycle through a folder of songs that take me back I'd like to share a list, in no particular order of things I miss:

- Carpet games that didn't suck after 10 minutes
- Boat Parties!
- Hours on the beach with Derek for no real reason
- Lisa and all the silly inside jokes roommates tend to develop
- County Line and the few attempts my friends freshman year made to get me to dance
- The elongated late night phone calls I used to have with Nick over summer break
- Shutting off all the lights in my dorm room in Campbell except for the Christmas lights, putting some chill music on in the background, and flopping on my bed with the knowledge I'd just created an environment I enjoyed studying in
- Random DDR and Cherry Coke in Southgate A
- Running through the Homecoming parade and getting into a water gun fight with Andrew
- Driving through Charlton late at night with nothing but Dave blaring through my speakers to keep me awake
- The excitement of Orientation 2001
- Doing nothing but sitting in my room in A203 playing stupidly addictive video games with the music going and feeling like I had the whole world right there
- Margarita Sundays
- Tetris in the Roberts 5th Floor lounge
- Desdemona's moonroof
- Keebler, Alicia, Melissa, Stephen, Chris, Kylie, Jess, Paul, Matt, Karoline, Josh, the Dan's, Nick, Steve, Iggy, Fadi, Chris, Doug
- Random movie nights at the apartment
- Golf Cart Tag
- The five dollar boyfriend special
- Walking around campus at night
- Having a life that wasn't owned by a million obligations
- Actually going to a party once in a while and knowing most of the people there
- Drunken phone calls
- The weekly box of baked goods
- Summer 2003
- My forest

I can't tell if that list is too long or too short for all the things that ran through my head tonight. On the plus, the only things coming back were the good times, not the bad ones. This is a major improvement.

Time to see what homework I can tackle next.

Captured At:2036

"So you wonder why you ever go home"

From yesterday afternoon:

For some reason Buffett's version of "Uncle Jon's Band" got stuck in my head. Naturally I decided to play it.

I'm sitting here in my aunt and uncle's living room by myself. I don't know what I'm thinking of, but I do know I'm looking back at something. Whatever it is, I'm having a hard time figuring out whether to smile or cry.

I think the whole playlist I create is going to be Buffett. It's funny to see some of my friends knowing that one day they're going to hear a Buffett song and think back to their college years. I, on the other hand, hear it now and think back on my childhood.

I'm always amazed at the way some things never really leave you. Times that seem ages away can come flooding back at any moment when provided the right trigger.

I was driving out of the division to run some errands this morning and a song came on the radio that got me going too. It was funny to be hearing a song from the summer driving down a road that, since then, has become more foreign to me. It was the same as then, but different. I said a million times I was going to miss those days when the semester started and, now that it's almost done, I see how right I was.

Captured At:1806

"I've got your memory"

I worked my customary five hour shift at the help desk this morning. To make room for the appointment calendar they shifted the map of Columbia Village buildings to the left side of the wall behind STAT 1.

I was sitting there between phone calls when I caught the map out of the corner of my eye. It followed the names and rested upon the last one at the top half of the piece of paper: McCool Hall.

I could hear my words echoing back at me on the day of the dedication as I told the campus community about a story one of our students had so kindly shared with me. I thought of the family I'd met and all the memories they must have of him.

Being full of my own memories, nearly all of people who are still alive, I wondered if losing some one and losing touch with some one were really all that different. You don't see or speak with either anymore and live on the memories you had of them. You assume the best for the ones you don't speak with and, as most religions teach, those who have passed are in a better place and need not be worried about either.

I know it's off to think of something as serious as death in such a way. Maybe I do that because I've been fortunate enough not to really experience it thus far in my life. I know that when I lose one of my parents, grandparents, or siblings it will be difficult to adjust to. Then again, I see them so little now...

Lately I seem to be having visions of the future. I'm thinking 10-20 years forward and wondering about everything. I've never really done that before and it scares me.

Now 10 minutes into the future, that's easy to see. It's time to go have fun with one of the best SGA eboards anyone could have asked for. It's helpful they're so good, because I can feel the temperature a' risin'...

Captured At:1731

"Why won't you run into the rain and play..."

Andrew asked me tonight why it seems that every time he's with me it rains.

I don't think it rains every time. Tonight was nice though. I can't say he and I had really talked much as of late. It's funny to think he's going to be graduating in a few weeks considering he's been here as long as I have.

The weather held off for a little while before we had to run for cover. It was a nice rain though - lots of sprinkles that made it look like it was pouring without getting the pair of us too soaked.

Rain is just good for the body and the soul. It refreshes the earth and has this great calming effect. One of the fears I'm glad I outgrew is that of thunder storms. I remember how scary they were when I was little and how many times Liz and I would wake up in the middle of the night and I'd jump into her bed so we could hide under the covers together.

I was also amused at Andrew and I discussing the realization that we never would have worked out. I seem to be coming to that with people a lot lately and it only makes me wonder even more how it'll work with anybody. I guess it takes something special in a person to want to stick with me. Or perhaps it takes something special in a person to make me want to stick with them. Or maybe it's a little bit of both. I don't really know.

Captured At:2227

My week's almost over!

I haven't decided whether to be happy that tomorrow is Friday or concerned that tomorrow is Friday. We have a two day week because of Thanksgiving, which means that most of my classes only have three lectures left. How's that for dropping things into perspective?

I'm going to KSC tomorrow to talk to a handful of people. I'm still not sure what they'd be looking for me to do or if they'd even go as far as to actually hire me, but I'm going to keep my fingers crossed that things go well. I may have to dig out the pin Mr. Readdy gave me on the day of the dedication for good luck. The person I've been speaking with up there says the main idea is to give me as much information as possible about the different kinds of things I could do with my degree, what it takes to be hired by the government, etc. I know a lot of people around here who dream of being able to work for/with NASA that are jealous of me already. I keep telling them nothing is for certain, but it would still be amazing if this came through somehow.

Liz and I are going home next week. It'll be my first Thanksgiving out of Florida since freshman year when I went back to NY. TJ and Derek will be going back to their respective homes and trying to manage a few days without us. I'm not sure how they're going to do it. :P

I don't know why I felt the need for a post. Maybe it's because Dave was complaining that he used to be able to count on one every day or so and now I'm doing it far less often. So Dave, if you stumbled upon some free time, even though none of this was probably new, this posts is for you. :P

Captured At:1837