When's it my turn???

I hate to think Liz feels I'm eavesdropping on her conversations sometimes, yet when I hear some of her random exclamations I can't help but ask what just came across her IMer. I don't know exactly why I ask - maybe to feel like I have a clue what's going on, or maybe because it's something other than sitting behind my computer playing stupid games to kill time because I don't have anything better to do.

This evening I became enlightened to the number of guys who have dibs on her should she not be married by the time she's ___. She's got people coming down to see her left and right - some who bought tickets at random in the last three hours. She's even got one friend telling her he thought she was beautiful and completely wonderful the moment he met her.

Why can't I have that? When do I get to be beautiful? When do I get to find out that from that random close friend how much I truly am appreciated??

I guess I had something like that once.

I remember breaking up with my boyfriend at the time and this guy who he was friends with asking if I'd still hang out with them. I couldn't think of any reason not to, but things like that are always easier said than done. Regardless, I came back from break with a sudden new found friend. At this point some would question his motives, but I never did. He had it really bad for this girl who I'd become friends with, and unfortunately I got caught up in some of the garbage. I learned that there comes a time when you just can't be friends with everyone.

Now maybe I threw myself out there too far too fast, but I really felt I had a friend in this person. I can't really explain. He was there and I didn't question it because I was perfectly happy with things as they were. Slowly though, things were starting to change. He had this other girl and it looked like they were going to hook up. I remember stating he didn't need me anymore because he had the other girl. Now having said how much of a friend I considered this guy I would think it's understood that I made this statement over sadness to see how the friendship was going to change. I've since realized that this is what started the wonderful story of a heartbroken bec, sad and upset that she'd been replaced by a girl her friend liked better. I will spare the details, but will say that from there things only went downhill.

I think looking back at the last several years this is the one thing I can honestly say I will always regret - how things ended up with this person. I always want to say something, but I never know what to say. I always wonder about him, but doubt I'm ever given a second thought. I frequently find myself wishing I had the opportunity to just sit and have a conversation with him - see how he is and make sure he's happy. I always worried.

Regardless, he goes on the list of people that I would like to thank for, as short a time as it was, being a part of my life and showing me a little bit of something I never really had before.

Positive Thought of the Day
Mike's. Need I say more??

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It's March.

It's 83, slightly windy, but overall beautiful.

I love Florida. :)

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A nice hot shower...Just the two of us...

I wish my camera reached far enough that I could show you my shower door. There's a lovely neon green post-it on it saying:

Have I mentioned I hate spiders?

Well, like all arachnids do, the bastard disappeared and I hadn't seen him since. Until today.

When I saw his shadow behind the curtain again I couldn't help but try and move it to see (with fingers crossed) if he was really on the outside of the window and not in my shower. No such luck. He ran around a little bit, and then stopped. So I looked at the curtain, said "Listen, you don't bother me, I won't bother you," and went on as normal.

And our agreement seemed to be working until I saw him jump.

Have I mentioned I hate spiders?

Well this freaked me out. See where I come from I can tell you about two kinds of spiders that I encountered. One was daddy long legs, and the other were those cream colored "pussy butt" spiders that looked like movie popcorn with legs. I have never seen a spider jump like this one did. He just flew from the window to the inside of the curtain and started running. I backed up, tried to aim the water flow at him, and seriously considered just stopping right then and there.

But I'm bigger than him and I was not about to do that, so I stayed. For the majority of my remaining shower time I couldn't tell if was seeing Mr. Uninvited Arachnid jumping around, or just flying figments of my imagination. And then I saw him get hyperactive. I'm not making this up, he was jumping back and forth like crazy! That little bastard was trying to spin a web in the window next to my shower!

"Well you picked the wrong window to try and build a web in, buddy!" I aimed the shower head at the windowsill again. It didn't hit him, but I saw him try and run away. He climbed a little up the wall and fell down. This happened a few more times and then he was gone. I don't know what happened. He just disappeared.

The sign on my shower now looks something like this:

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There is now a sign over the other two that says:

I guess Liz had enough of that. :D

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"Then I look up at the sky..."

Walking out the door of my apartment last night I couldn't help but be hit by what was around me. It was warm and calm, almost completely dark, and the smell of charcoal was in the air.

Once again I flew back to a time and place much different from where I was. It was summer. The kids on the street and I had rushed through dinner so we could waste time with our favorite activity for that time of year. The game was called "war". Basically a glorified version of capture the flag, we always played boys vs. girls. Our bases were practically right next to each other in the garages of Leah/Paul's and Katie/Kim's houses. We ran around a lot. We tried to develop strategies to find hidden objects. We took hostages and eventually had to make a "rule" about "torture". We used to play well into the night - at least it always seemed that way.

On the inside I was grinning like a fool, and I knew it wasn't long before my physical appearance reflected my state of mind. I unlocked my car suddenly feeling the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders.

For me there's always been something to be said about driving on a nice warm night with the windows down and some old favorite coming through the speakers, and as I drove out of Southgate last night I couldn't help but get caught in that kind of moment. Driving down University revealed it was that time of night where the sun has almost set but there's still a hint of neon orange toward the bottom of the western sky. In one view I could see the sunset and a very bright crescent moon hanging just in view of my windshield. No sooner than I'd done that the voice of one Mr. Matthews came into my ears proclaiming "I look up at the sky and my mouth is open wide...."

Dave, my friend, you've hit the nail right on the head yet again.

And for just a little while, life was good.

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It's moments like right now that I wish I never had to grow older and learn the evils of the world.

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Just before I get in my car to go home the other night after chatting with a friend he gives me a hug while saying something along the lines of, "Make sure she's alright and make sure you're alright. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

We part and I look over at him and ask, "But if you can care about the rest of the world, why can't the rest of the world care about you?"

There's a pause.

He looks at me for a second and just says "Goodnight, bec."

I can see the whole conversation, short as it was, in my head right now. I'm not really sure why it stands out, but it's been there for days.

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