October 23, 2001
"You talk like the grown-ups! You confuse everything...You've got it all mixed up! I know a planet inhabited by a red-faced gentleman. He's never smelled a flower, he's never loved anyone. He has never done anything in his life but add up figures. And all day he says over and over, just like you, "I am busy with matters of consequence." And that makes him swell up with pride. But he is not a man - he is a mushroom!
For millions of years flowers have been producing thorns. For millions of years sheep have been eating them all the same. And it's not serious, trying to understand why flowers go to such trouble to produce thorns that are good for nothing? It's not important, the war between the sheep and the flowers? It's no more serious and more important than the numbers that fat red gentleman is adding up? Suppose I happen to know a unique flower, one that exists nowhere in the world except on my planet, one that a little sheep can wipe out in a single bite one morning, just like that, without even realizing what he's doing - that isn't important?
If some one loves a flower, of which just a single blossom grows in all the millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars. He can say to himself, 'somewhere my flower is there.' But if the sheep eats the flower, then for him it's as if, suddenly, all the stars went out. And isn't that important?"
- "The Little Prince"
Captured At:1733
October 26, 2001
You know, there are a lot of days when I look myself in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I find that I carry the same plain look no matter how I'm feeling. It's like I can try and smile at it all I want, but there's this other thing that's hiding behind it. I suppose it's true that you can't run from yourself.
And these days, more than anything else, I find myself wishing I had a friend. Sure I know people. Sure I talk to people every day. But they're not friends. I don't have those. I don't retain those. For once it would be nice to talk to someone and not feel like I'm wasting their time. For once it'd be nice to spend some time just talking to someone and not feeling like the only reason they're listening is because they're hoping to get somewhere with me. I look at the people around me, and the things they do and all the places they go, and I just feel like it doesn't matter. I feel that no matter how much I'm doing or how hard I'm working, being where I am doesn't make any difference. Even my current exertions only serve for partial happiness.
One day though, I will meet someone. I don't know who or when it will be. But what I do know is that one day I will meet someone that just makes me go "wow" when I listen to them. I'll meet someone that will just appeal to everything I have hidden inside of me.
And I suppose that's why I listen the way I do. I suppose that's why I continue to listen to a band that lately has disappointed me. Maybe, in its own stupid way, this is why so many people stay with other people who just don't treat them the way they should. Maybe all these people out there that I look at and wonder "why" have just been so hit by this other person in their life that they can't imagine being away from it, no matter how bad it might get.
But you see, I'm not even talking a soul mate. I'm not talking a life partner or a husband or anything like that. I don't really see that in my make up. But I do believe there are people out there that hit you in some way that you'll never be able to put your finger on. I believe there are people out there that you'll just be drawn to, without ever really knowing why. And I believe every person has the potential to be one of them.
Captured At:2254
October 29, 2001
Oftentimes I wish I could take all those good days - all the happy feelings and memories - and combine them into the present. And it's times like these, when I feel like I'm on the verge of a total breakdown, that I wish I knew how to stop my head from getting away from me.
Captured At:2123